At Last, a Reply
by EmberFalcon
Summary: After so long with no reply to his apology, Kaidan begins to despair. Then he realizes some things are worth waiting for.


Kaidan found himself thankful that it was dark by the time he had reached his apartment. Granted, it was only midday, but the atmosphere had clouded over in anticipation for a storm, leaving little light that managed to break through the clouds. The mood seemed appropriate, given his melancholy mood, he thought to himself as he made his way through his apartment. He hadn't bothered clicking on any of the lights when he came home- the natural light coming from the window didn't quite fill the apartment, but it was enough to see where he was going. His weary eyes scanned the space, lingering on his black couch for a moment, trying not to think of when Olivea had cuddled against him there, shortly after the Battle of the Citadel, before his gaze came to rest on his work desk, a soft sigh finally breaking past his lips.

The memories there were even more haunting.

The few nights she had stayed with him during their shore leave, he had been having awful migraines that had kept him up, so he would sit in his desk chair, head in his hands, and bit it to leave him. She would curl her arms around him, his face resting on her chest, and stroke his hair soothingly to ease the migraine away until he came back to bed with her.

He bade those thoughts leave him. Now was not the time to think of the things that were no more, to dwell on what he had pushed away. It had been easily over a month since he had sent her an e-mail apologizing for the way he had acted, and still there had been no response. The hope that they could repair things, could move on together, had been gradually diminishing since the night he had sent it. At least things were less complicated, if only by a little, now that he was a single man again.

His drinks with the doctor he had been seeing had ceased long ago- after his assignment on Horizon, after having Olivea in his arms again, he knew it would be cruel to lead another woman on while he clearly loved her still. She handled the breakup well, and they had parted on good terms, something that he was rather grateful for. He supposed he had continued seeing the doctor after their first date because she was a woman that held nothing Shepard had- the doctor was beautiful, intelligent, and kind, certainly, but she was too impartial to what was going on around her, too much of a civilian to be anything that Shepard was.

And at the time, Kaidan needed to forget Olivea.

Now wasn't the time to dwell on his personal life, his mind quietly reminded him, and he attempted to focus on the stack of paperwork that awaited him at that desk he had been reminiscing so fondly about before. With a resigned groan, he slid into his chair, his computer's holo display blinking to life. He mentally went through the checklist of things he was to do tonight, the dull routine he was intending to once again fall into that he had almost ritualistically completed again and again for several nights now- typing absentmindedly about his previous mission, giving a full report, proofreading for mistakes, submit. Rinse, Dry, Repeat for the next few hours, then crash onto his bed and pray his dreams didn't involve Olivea. Again.

As he waved a hand to open his extranet link, however, he found that he had a new video message.

Getting e-mails outside of his commanding officers was a rarity in and of itself, more so now that he was no longer seeing anyone, but a video message? That was unheard of. His curiosity piqued, he pointed to the icon alerting him of the new message to open its details before he watched it. Its subject forced the air from his lungs. His eyes scanned it over and over again, not daring to believe but unable to find proof that it was a lie. "Re: About Horizon…" his voice rasped, his lungs trying desperately to work again. With trembling hands, he opened the message and waited with baited breath.

Almost instantly, Olivea's image sprang forth on his display, and suddenly his heart was in his throat. The image only showed to just past her shoulders, but it was enough to invoke the memories of their time together, before it was all stolen away from them. "Kaidan…" her voice flitted over the speakers, and nearly had him in tears. She sounded so…broken. Did he do this to her? "I don't have much time. I've tried replying to your message so many times now, I've lost count. Part of it was cowardice. Part of it was simply because I didn't know what to say. But with the mission that I'm heading on now, it's all I can think about…you're all I can think about…"

A sense of dread began to seep into his gut. He already didn't like where this was going. A mission? Where? And how serious was it that she had to send him a message? After a moment, Olivea continued, "I know you probably don't trust me, that you think I've been lying this entire time to you. I swear, I was dead for two years. It still doesn't feel like that much time has passed…it's only been a few months for me…" her voice hitched, and he felt miserable all over again. God knows what she's been going through since Horizon…

"I don't blame you for the things you said on Horizon," Shepard had a knack for making him forget how to breathe, didn't she? She didn't hate him? Didn't despise what he had said? "You've changed, but that's to be expected with two years passing, hasn't it?" She chuckled sadly to herself. "But this isn't why I'm sending you this message, Kaidan. I'm sending you this message because I don't know what will happen next. In a few hours, the fate of the galaxy is going to be decided, and no one will even know that it's happening…" the look on her face darkened as she thought about it. "But before any of that happens, I want you to know…I love you, Kaidan." His heart clenched. The only time he had ever said that to her was on Horizon, and it was in the past tense and spat like a curse. "You're the only man I've ever said that to…and you'll be the only man that will ever hear it. I love you," her voice sounded strained, as if she was trying not to break down.

"The mission we're heading to is practically suicide. More so than Ilos was…and I'm scared, Kaidan. I keep a strong face for the sake of the crew, but I honestly don't know how good our odds are…" there was a beeping sound in the distance, causing her to turn her head in its direction. Kaidan could faintly hear Joker's voice, "_Commander, we're approaching the Omega 4 Relay. ETA ten minutes."_

He swore his heart stopped.

Olivea turned back to the terminal, eyes glistening with tears and a look of urgency in her features. "Kaidan, I can't promise I will make it back, but know that you're my reason for fighting, for doing all of this. I want to keep you save…" a single tear slid down her face, and he reached out without thinking to wipe it away, his hand stilled in mid reach. Her image was flickering in and out now, and he begged it stay a little longer. "Don't give up on me…"

"Shepard-!" he extended his arm fully, trying desperately to keep her there, as if it was going to prevent her from leaving, from going through the relay. Alas, with one last, faint flicker, her image was gone, and he found himself staring at the wall, his holo display shutting down at the conclusion of the message. The arm he had held out suddenly felt heavy and hit his desk with a dull 'thud' before his head fell to his chest. His eyes shut tight, he bid the tears forming at the corner of his eyes to leave him.

He would be strong, for her.

And he would wait.


End file.
